DVD Review: "The Love Guru"

Good Lord, where do I even begin?

Look-- we all know Mike Myers is a compulsive joke-recycler. And while it wasn't yet apparent during his SNL days, or in his early film career-- it's undeniable now. This guy is using jokes that he's been riding for well over ten years now, and seemingly expecting them to still fly. Well, they don't.

Let's see what elements make up a Mike Myers souffle.

1.) Over-use of an accent. Check.
While it's usually Scottish ("So, I Married and Axe Murderer", "Shrek") or British ("Austin Powers")-- in this case, it's Indian. And an awfully bad Indian accent, at that.

2.)Verne Troyer. Check.

At least in the world of "Austin Powers" there was a reason to have a midg... dwar... very small guy in the film. He's mini-me-- a punchline to a legitimate joke in the film. But here, it seems Myers is simply exploiting Troyer as a walking, talking sight gag. We're expected to laugh at him simply because he is extraordinarily small. In this film he plays the coach of a professional hockey team-- with no explanation given as to why or how. They didn't even go as far as to jokingly say that he was a former player. Nothing. And not only that, but Myers brings back one of the only jokes tat was new in "Austin Powers 3"-- the Mole joke. Only here, instead of Myers not being able to take his eye off of a melanoma, he can't get over the fact hat Troyer is small. Bravo, Mr. Myers.

3.) An unbelievably hot love interest. Check.
I don't mean to say that Jessica Alba isn't unbelievably hot-- she is. But what is unbelievable here is that she is supposed to be attracted, sexually, to Myers' guru Pitka. This is pushing the bounds of suspension of disbelief to horizons I never thought possible.

4.)Musical numbers. Check.
Hated the musical numbers in Austin Powers 1, 2 and 3. Hated them in Shrek 1, 2 and 3. Hated it in this film. It's filler, and not funny in the least. Enough said.

5.)Jokes recycled from previous skits, characters and films. Check.
Without bringing up the many instances of lifted material from other sources, I'll jst say this-- It's safe to assume 50-60% of the script for this film may very well have been copied and pasted directly out of other scripts. I'm just saying...

Then there are the new additions that make this film terrible-- namely Justin Timberlake. There is nothing worse than someone who thinks they are funny, and because they are surrounded by yes men and glad-handers, none of whom have the cajones to tell them they aren't funny. His small role alone damn near ruined this film, like he ruined "Alpha Dog" and "Black Snake Moan." I really wish he would simply go back to making awful pop music that I never have to hear.

Also adding to the tally-- the utterly inane concept that passes for a plot in this film. I won't go into the specifics of the plot, because it's simply not worth it. Let's just say the climax of the film involves a literal climax-- as in an elephant reaching orgasm while mounting another elephant on the ice at Game 7 of the Stanley Cup Finals. I am not joking. This is offensive to the idea of comedy, and is retroactively taking away from my opinion of Myers' previous works.

All in all, I just think that whatever Mike Myers once had, he's lost it. He simply cannot craft a decent character any more. Even Goldmember in "Austin Powers 3" was a half-baked concept. I think what he needs to do now is either A.) Hang it up for good. B.)Do a drama, and stay away from comedy for a bit. or C.) "Wayne's World 3." I vote for C. I have always thought that there was more that could be done with Wayne Campbell, and at least he'd have a competent sidekick in Dana Carvey/ Garth Algar. 

But as far as this film is concerned-- avoid it like the plague. Avoid it as if it will give you an STD. Avoid it as if you gave it an STD, and now it wants to talk.

Just avoid it.

Score: 0 out of 5