Best Movies of 2009

Yeah, so my "best of" list is a few days late. So what. Wanna fight about it?

As I do every year, I'll also toss in my two cents when it comes to what films I enjoyed most in 2009. I actually think this year has been particularly strong one-- well, at least when it comes to film...

I'm going to keep it short and sweet. In fact, the list is not even really in any order. It's just the ten films that I enjoyed most this year.

My Favorite Films:

1.) The Cove - I'm a huge animal rights guy, and this was one of the more well made and moving documentaries I've seen in a while. Brutal and heart breaking.

2.) Drag Me to Hell - Sam Raimi's Brand of Old School Horror. Saw it twice in the theater and twice on blu-ray so far. Fantastic!

3.) Inglorious Basterds - Great upon first viewing, and infinitely re-watchable. The Bowie song alone makes the film.

4.) Anvil: The Story of Anvil - Seriously touching portrait of friendship, faith and truly never giving up on a dream. Another extremely re-watchable film.

5.) District 9 - Refreshingly inventive Sci-Fi. Despite early reports, it's not necessarily a game-changer for the genre, but Neil Blomkamp is what Michael Bay only wishes he could be.

6.) Pontypool - My favorite horror film of the year. Neat twist on the zombie genre that plays out through what you hear more than what you see. Terrific film. Oddly not yet available on DVD or Blu-Ray in the U.S.

7.) Watchmen - I wasn't the biggest fan of it in the theater, but upon repeated blu-ray viewings at home I have really come to enjoy this film. And-- is it seriously not on anyone else's top 10 or even 20 list? It was released this year, correct? Screw it. I'm a genre guy. It's on my list.

8.) Coraline - A bit dark for the kiddies, but for anyone who enjoys Tim Burton-esque dark fairy tales, you'll love it.

9.) Where the Wild Things Are - First film in years to actually elicit tears from my cynical eyes. Especially meaningful if you are a child of divorce, or of a single parent.

10.) Up - Pixar continues its streak of solid films. Third act was a bit typical, but enjoyed the film overall enough to warrant a spot on the list.

Six films that I wanted to see but didn't:

1.) The Road - Looks interesting and depressing. Not necessarily in that order.

2.) Bad Lieutenant: Port of Call New Orleans / My Son, My Son What Have Ye Done - Werner Herzog. That's more than enough reason to see these two.

3.) The Hurt Locker - I'm not so hot on the contemporary war films as of late, but I have to admit that I want to see this one. And I like Jeremy Renner, too.

4.) Fantastic Mr. Fox - Too many people whose opinions I hold in high regard raved about this for me not to want to check it out. I think it'll be a blind buy on blu-ray release day.

5.) The White Ribbon - Call him pretentious, but I think Haneke is tremendous filmmaker.

6.) Antichrist - I really wanted to see this from the first trailer. Sadly, I just didn't have a chance to. DVD will be released soon, I hope.

Four Films that left me underwhelmed:

1.) Avatar - Pretentious. Ludicrous. It was pretty-- sure. But who cares. As a writer, I was offended by the story being put way on the back burner. Waaaay back there...

2.) Food, Inc. - I'm something of a health nut, and I thought I'd love this film. Don't get me wrong, it was okay. But that's it-- just okay.

3.) Zombieland - Yeah, the cameo was great. It was okay overall. Still liked it, but it could have been so much more.

4.) Avatar - Yes. It was that underwhelming.

DVD Review: "Mirrors"

In 1999, director Gore Verbinski remade a little known Japanese film entitled “The Ring.” The film was a tremendous success with critics and audiences alike. What followed was a firestorm of Japanese horror (known as “J-horror”) remakes, all of which attempted to capitalize on the creepy aesthetic “The Ring” had introduced. To a varying degree, some of these films were successful. Though, more often than not, the visual style of the remakes was the only element that transferred, leaving out a rather important ingredient—a good story. Alexandre Aja’s “Mirrors”—a well intentioned, yet narratively lacking film, seems to be riding out the tail end of the more lack-luster trend of J-horror remakes.

Keifer Sutherland stars as Ben Carson, a disgraced police officer trying to piece together his broken life. In an effort to clean himself up, he takes a job guarding a boarded up, distractingly out-of-place department store in the heart of New York City. From the beginning of his first shift, Carson notices something strange about the spotless mirrors that populate the entire store. He’s quickly (arguably too quickly) thrust into a devilish game, wherein the mirrors reflect horrific images that unfortunately effect the real world that Carson lives in. The mirrors presented a unique, yet oddly difficult horror antagonist. On one hand, if Carson and his family can simply steer clear of mirrors, they seem to be relatively safe. So, just cover every mirror, right? Not exactly-- the ghastly visions inexplicably begin to appear within any surface that displays a reflection. But hey, I’m all for suspension of disbelief, so long as the story is engaging enough to warrant it. This one, unfortunately, didn’t quite maintain a high enough level of interest.

One area in which the film does succeed is its special effects. “Mirrors” contains some genuinely creepy visuals, and one set-piece in particular that took the gore factor to a level this reviewer has rarely seen. Needless to say, that scene was the highlight of the film, and this review would certainly be different if they had found a way to bring that level of horror to the film just a few more times.

As it stands, the film caves in on itself in the third act, becoming just a standard “man saves his family from certain doom” type of flick. The film had a solid concept, but simply not enough meat to satisfy even a casual horror fan. Though, fans of Sutherland’s Jack Bauer character from “24” will certainly get their fill of brooding, and gruff screaming in this one. The film is worth a look, if just for the aforementioned bathroom scene. However, you could save yourself some time, and easily find that clip on the net. If it’s thrills you’re looking for, you’ll find one or two here—though you would be better served to visit Alexandre Aja’s earlier films such as “High Tension” and “The Hills Have Eyes.”

Score: 2 out of 5

DVD Review: "The Love Guru"

Good Lord, where do I even begin?

Look-- we all know Mike Myers is a compulsive joke-recycler. And while it wasn't yet apparent during his SNL days, or in his early film career-- it's undeniable now. This guy is using jokes that he's been riding for well over ten years now, and seemingly expecting them to still fly. Well, they don't.

Let's see what elements make up a Mike Myers souffle.

1.) Over-use of an accent. Check.
While it's usually Scottish ("So, I Married and Axe Murderer", "Shrek") or British ("Austin Powers")-- in this case, it's Indian. And an awfully bad Indian accent, at that.

2.)Verne Troyer. Check.

At least in the world of "Austin Powers" there was a reason to have a midg... dwar... very small guy in the film. He's mini-me-- a punchline to a legitimate joke in the film. But here, it seems Myers is simply exploiting Troyer as a walking, talking sight gag. We're expected to laugh at him simply because he is extraordinarily small. In this film he plays the coach of a professional hockey team-- with no explanation given as to why or how. They didn't even go as far as to jokingly say that he was a former player. Nothing. And not only that, but Myers brings back one of the only jokes tat was new in "Austin Powers 3"-- the Mole joke. Only here, instead of Myers not being able to take his eye off of a melanoma, he can't get over the fact hat Troyer is small. Bravo, Mr. Myers.

3.) An unbelievably hot love interest. Check.
I don't mean to say that Jessica Alba isn't unbelievably hot-- she is. But what is unbelievable here is that she is supposed to be attracted, sexually, to Myers' guru Pitka. This is pushing the bounds of suspension of disbelief to horizons I never thought possible.

4.)Musical numbers. Check.
Hated the musical numbers in Austin Powers 1, 2 and 3. Hated them in Shrek 1, 2 and 3. Hated it in this film. It's filler, and not funny in the least. Enough said.

5.)Jokes recycled from previous skits, characters and films. Check.
Without bringing up the many instances of lifted material from other sources, I'll jst say this-- It's safe to assume 50-60% of the script for this film may very well have been copied and pasted directly out of other scripts. I'm just saying...

Then there are the new additions that make this film terrible-- namely Justin Timberlake. There is nothing worse than someone who thinks they are funny, and because they are surrounded by yes men and glad-handers, none of whom have the cajones to tell them they aren't funny. His small role alone damn near ruined this film, like he ruined "Alpha Dog" and "Black Snake Moan." I really wish he would simply go back to making awful pop music that I never have to hear.

Also adding to the tally-- the utterly inane concept that passes for a plot in this film. I won't go into the specifics of the plot, because it's simply not worth it. Let's just say the climax of the film involves a literal climax-- as in an elephant reaching orgasm while mounting another elephant on the ice at Game 7 of the Stanley Cup Finals. I am not joking. This is offensive to the idea of comedy, and is retroactively taking away from my opinion of Myers' previous works.

All in all, I just think that whatever Mike Myers once had, he's lost it. He simply cannot craft a decent character any more. Even Goldmember in "Austin Powers 3" was a half-baked concept. I think what he needs to do now is either A.) Hang it up for good. B.)Do a drama, and stay away from comedy for a bit. or C.) "Wayne's World 3." I vote for C. I have always thought that there was more that could be done with Wayne Campbell, and at least he'd have a competent sidekick in Dana Carvey/ Garth Algar. 

But as far as this film is concerned-- avoid it like the plague. Avoid it as if it will give you an STD. Avoid it as if you gave it an STD, and now it wants to talk.

Just avoid it.

Score: 0 out of 5

The Whitest Kids You Know

I know that "The Whitest Kids You Know" has been on for a while, but I'm just catching wind of the show now, and I must say-- it's pretty damn funny. I was actually teetering in the brink of sleep the other night when the show happened to come on. So, with heavy eyelids, I watched only one skit, and that skit made me laugh so hard, and for so long, that I had to get up out of bed and rewind the skit to watch it again. I had to be sure it was as funny as I thought it was.

Now, of course, I had to share with all of the faithful (if any) who still check my humble blog. The skit I have posted here is actually the one that got me out of bed, and it still gets me in tears when I watch it. I hope you all enjoy it as much as I did.

And if not, watch it a second time, but this time be happier and with your mouth open.

Just watch the video.

Something you may have missed: "Primer"

Yesterday, a friend and I were discussing low-budget independent films over some good coffee at a bad diner. The usual titles came up-- Christopher Nolan's "Following", Darren Aronofsky's "Pi" and even Tarantino's "Reservoir Dogs", for good measure. Another title came up-- one that doesn't carry quite the same cachet as the others, but is still quite a good film. The film "Primer" made a splash when it hit the festival circuit in 2005 because of it's twisty, mind-bending plot-- and the fact that it was made for only $7000.

The story is deceptively simple. Two guys (one portrayed by the film's director) develop a machine that they believe has allowed them to travel in time. Having said that-- the film stays away from venturing into too much of a science-fiction feel. It's surprisingly realistic. So, anyway, I don't want to give anything about the story away, because it's got one of those serpentine storylines-- but I just wanted to bring the spotlight back to a film that deserves more attention than it gets.

And, unbelievably, the film's writer/director Shane Carruth has this, and only this film to his credit. It's a shame he hasn't had the motivation or opportunity to do more, because he certainly seems to have the talent. So, check out the trailer for the film below. So, if your Netflix queue is looking a little anemic this summer, go ahead and add "Primer." It's definitely worth a watch.

Fear Itself Episode 4: "In Sickness and In Health"

I'm not going to mince words here-- this episode was bad. This was the type of episode that will be the downfall of this series. It was slow, poorly written, terribly acted and not scary at all. It relied on an inexplicable twist ending which, in the context of the rest of the story, made no sense at all. I don't care to go into the specifics of why the episode was so bad because it's really not worth it. Let's just hope that this was the episode that was simply a misfire, and the series will get back on course next week. And on that topic, the teaser for next week's episode looks very good. Here's hoping...

Score: 0 out of 5

Fear Itself Episode 1: "The Sacrifice"

NBC's horror anthology "Fear Itself" debuted last week. I was pretty excited about this show, despite the fact that I've been repeatedly disappointed by Mick Garris' previous series, "Masters of Horror." So, here's what I thought...

The Good: The show was surprisingly gory. They pushed it about as far as I would imagine broadcast TV would let them. Also, I was impressed at how they compressed such a big story into a 5 act show. It was actually really tight. The acting wasn't all that bad, either, which goes a long way to help a horror film.

The Bad: We've seen all of this before-- perhaps not on prime time TV, but there is nothing new to horror fans here. Also, I would have like to have seen a little bit more of the monster/vampire. And the main weak point was the ending (Spoiler)-- these girls have been trapped in this house for years looking after this beast, but they have never thought of luring it into a hole and burning it before? That was a bit rushed.

Overall: I enjoyed this show, and I'm very glad to see this type of horror anthology back on television. It follows in the tradition of "Tales from the Darkside" and "Tales from the Crypt", which are both shows that I really enjoy. I just hope they are able to grab enough viewers to keep this going.