The Little Boy and the Old Man

So, It's been a little while since I've posted anything. I've been writing something new that's taken up a lot of my time, and with getting ready to teach my first college course, I've been a little busy. However, I didn't want to just make up some stupid nonsense to post-- so I figured instead I'd post one of my all time favorite poems.

It's a Shel Silverstein piece that means a lot to me, and was a constant source of inspiration while I was writing my last screenplay. Anyone who has had the chance to read that script will understand why.

The poem is called The Little Boy and the Old Man.

Said the little boy, "Sometimes I drop my spoon."

Said the old man, "I do that, too."

The little boy whispered, "I wet my pants."

"I do that too," laughed the little old man.

Said the little boy, "I often cry."

The old man nodded, "So do I."

"But worst of all," said the boy, "it seems

Grown-ups don't pay attention to me."

And he felt the warmth of a wrinkled old hand.

"I know what you mean," said the little old man.

Monster Mania 13 is this weekend...

This weekend the ever-growing horror convention known as Monster-Mania will be held at the Crowne Plaza Hotel in Cherry Hill, NJ. I've been to this show five times before (including the last show in Cromwell, Connecticut) and honestly, it's always a really good time. I've never considered myself someone who would enjoy going to "fan conventions"-- and in a way, I do go about the show in different way than many fans. For one, I'm not much of an autograph maven. I don't begrudge those who wait in line to pay for their favorite stars autograph, but it's just not for me.

What I enjoy about the show are the dealer tables at which you can find some unique and truly hard to find films. Considering a lot of the lesser known horror films of my youth were not given the official DVD treatment, dealers at the show have taken it upon themselves to create these DVD's, either from VHS copies or sometimes from HD television broadcasts.

Oh, and there is one other reason I enjoy Monster-Mania so much-- I write for the official Monster-Mania Magazine. Editor Dave Hagan does a really good job with the mag, giving it the full-color, glossy treatment. The upcoming issue contains my retrospective article on the Nightmare on Elm Street series as a feature story. And hey-- if you can't make it to the show, you can always support your local Jon and order the mag online (www.monstermania.net) or pick it up at you local Barnes & Noble.

I'll report back after the weekend with any pertinent info about the 

show, and how the reaction to the new issue is going. Check out the promo for the magazine below.

Monster Mania Magazine Issue #2

This August will mark the 12th Monster Mania convention in Cherry Hill, NJ. The show-- which is always a good time-- will also feature the long awaited release of the second issue of Monster Mania Magazine. As you can surmise from the picture to the left, this issue will be all Nightmare on Elm Street, all the time. 

My article is a retrospective of the entire NOES series (films only-- books, comics, TV, etc. are all covered separately.) Depending on whether the piece was heavily edited or not, it should come in at a hefty 5000 words, or for you non-writer types, almost 20 pages.

Also worth mentioning-- you can now get Monster Mania Magazine at most book stores, including Barnes & Noble. So if you happen to be out grabbing a coffee and a book, support your favorite screenwriter-who-blogs-and-sometimes-writes-for-magazines-- me!

Check out the pics below for some shots of the mag finally on (and hopefully flying off) the shelves!

Writer's Block? I got your cure.

Like any writer, I sometimes get bogged down in what’s referred to as “writer’s block.” Truth be told, writer’s block is often times a bunch of bullshit. When we, as writers, “suffer” from a block, it’s usually either because we (A.) simply don’t know what to write or, don’t know how to write it, (B.) there’s an inherent story problem in what we’ve already written that needs to be addressed or (C.) we’re just making excuses for just refusing to make time to write.

However, sometimes all it takes to get your writing going is a fire under your ass– regardless of whether or not the source of said fire is real or … well, virtual. And it just so happens that the one I’m speaking of  is indeed virtual.

A writer friend of mine turned me on to “Dr. Wicked’s Writing Lab” and, specifically, a program offered for free on the site that is sure to keep you writing… and writing fast. The “Write or Die” application lets you set parameters, such as the amount of words you need to get written, and the time in which you want them written. From there, it’s just left to you to get writing. And hey– if you decide to take a break to, you know, figure out just the right words to start that next sentence, the “write or die” app simply starts erasing what you’ve already written. That’s right– if you don’t just keep getting words on paper, you’re punished by losing that which you’ve already written. It’s maddening– but its also just what some writers need to get that first draft committed to paper. 

Now, it’s not for everyone. Of course there are going to be some who are simply not up to the challenge of having such a strict taskmaster. To those people I say, get a different hobby. Two of the greatest strengths a writer can develop are writing on demand, and keeping a deadline. This application lets you put yourself on immediate deadlines that you damn well better keep, unless you enjoy seeing your hard earned word count drain off the page like so much water down the drain.

Once you're done writing whatever it is that you’re using the app for, you simply copy the text to your clipboard, and paste it into whichever document editing program you desire. And let me tell you, this has come in very handy when I’m trying to get something written that I’m not exactly looking forward to writing– like a grad school essay or a… um… blog post.

That’s right– this very post was written using “write or die.” And I’m glad to say that only once did I lose a few words. And that was only because I was so overcome by the genius raging forth from my furious typing. Or not.

So, if you’re a writer-type, and sometimes have trouble finishing what you start, give this program a try.  It’s a great little tool to help you get those ideas down on paper without over-thinking every single words as you write it. 

Now go get writing.

Monster Mania 12

That's right, it's been about 6 months, and you know what that means-- Monster Mania is just around the corner. This convention is one of my ultimate guilty pleasures, and I'd be excited for it in any case, but this time I'm particularly excited. As far as I know, the next issue of Monster Mania Magazine will be available at the show. This is the issue that will include my retrospective article detailing the history of the "Friday the 13th" series. After it's published, I'll post it here for all to read. Until then-- buy your own copy!

This time around the focus of the convention is (obviously) on Friday the 13th. With the reboot film coming out in a few weeks, I suppose they're trying to wedge themselves back into the public consciousness in any way possible. I'm all for it-- I'm excited for the new film (even though, a true reboot would not include Jason in the first film, but I digress...) And, yes, I still love the old "Fridays", as well-- all 8 or 9 or 15 of 'em.

In addition to "Friday" guests, other appearances will include Tobe Hooper ("Texas Chainsaw Massacre"), Alice Cooper (Heavy Metal Legend and, of course, John Carpenter's "Prince of Darkness"), Caroline Williams (Stretch from one of my faves, "Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2") and even... Fairuza Balk... of, uh... "The Craft."

But, anyway...

The convention is at the Crowne Plaza Hotel in Cherry Hill, New Jersey over the weekend of March 13-15. It's always a good time, and who knows... you may run into me on Saturday. I'll be the one in the full Freddy Kreuger make-up.

Kidding.

Check out more about Monster Mania here.

Barnes & Ignoble

This morning, I visited a recently opened Barnes and Noble in my area. I've been waiting for a decent bookstore to open nearby for some time now. And, while saying that this store is both decent and nearby may be stretching the truth a bit, I'll take what I can get. Unfortunately,  I forgot that what I get with Barnes and Noble ain't all that much.

I've been spending a lot of mornings split between other over-priced, faux coffeeshop type places for a while now. Sometimes it's the bagel shop Panera, other times it may be this new place, Saxby's. But wherever it was, all of the places seemed to have a few things in common-- high prices, bad coffee, no fewer than two truly creepy people hanging around, and finally-- free wireless internet service. And no, I was not one of the creepy people. At least I don't think I was.

Anyhow-- I packed up my bag, and drove up to the brand-spankin' new B&N this morning and this is what I found:

High prices: Obviously. It is Barnes and Noble. But that's okay-- I'm not buying anything.

Bad Coffee: That is subjective. I like it, but most people seem to dislike it.

Creepy people: Yes. And that's saying a lot, since the only people there were the employees.
Free Wireless Internet: Sadly, pathetically, No.

That's right. In this day and age, a solid 15 years after the dawn of the information superhighway, B&N expects me to plunk down $3.95 for a measly 2 hours of internet service. When reached for a comment, a spokesperson for B&N had this to say, "Internet? What the fuck is the internet?"

So, there I sat, stewing over the fact that I couldn't flit compulsively between checking my gmail and facebook accounts. What do they expect me to do, actually write? And it was at this time that something else dawned on me about B&N, and more specifically, their coffee.

It seems that, in conjunction with the tree bark-like fiber cereal that I usually eat, their coffee was just the free radical necessary to create something of a gastrointestinal perfect storm. I became acutely aware that my toukis was now a powder keg, apt to be set off by even the slightest upsetment. Which brings me to my next, and final, gripe. The store has one-- count 'em-- one bathroom stall. Sure, they have plenty of urinals, but that was of little consolation to me and my spasming stomach. So, then I had to... you know-- I'll stop there. I think you get the idea.

Anyhow, I suppose I am happy to have a book store relatively close. After all, I was beginning to suspect that the people of Northeast Philadelphia had given up on books completely without telling me. And as for the coffee, I don't mind it. Sure, I'd rather have a cozy, personal coffee shop, but with a Dunkin' Donuts now on every corner-- not to mention Wawa-- a real coffee shop is just a pipe dream.

So, my friends, if you find yourself headed to a B&N anytime soon, try to keep in mind what I've tried to pass on today-- Prices high, Coffee strong, People weird, Internet MIA and Toilets few. So, y'know... Immodium recommended.

Cheers.

Residency Livin'...

Another residency,

Baguettes freezing,

In Wilkes Barre

Missing home,

Miss my girls.

You know, they worry

Tattooed, hungry and tired

But must admit--

I'm real inspired

What is this shit, I'm not a poet

Jon writes for the screen

And we all know it

I'll post some stuff 

Soon as I'm back

Until then

Check this trailer... Jack

(Told you I wasn't a poet.)

The film is a documentary called "Anvil." It looks terrific, and I found it thanks to FilmJunk.

Best Things of 2008

Well, it's the end of the year. And, as is the custom on this type of site, I'll now share with you my personal favorite "things" of the past year. This specific list was devised by close friend, and fellow blogger Mike Lizzio, but I decided to blatantly steal it and post it as my own. He's my very own Bernard Pivot. So there you have it.

And now, without further ado...

The Best Things of 2008:

Movies -

"The Dark Knight" - Yeah, I know. Blah blah blah... "The Dark Knight" was great. The best comic film of all time, and all that... you've heard this many times before, now let's move on.

"Dear Zachary"- I watch a lot of films throughout the year, and this was the first film in several years years that actually evoked honest-to-God tears from my cynical eyes. It's truly a heart breaking story, but one that everyone should see, for sure. And, yeah, it's slightly amateurish in its construction, but it only adds to the piecemeal charm of the story as a whole. I loved this film and look forward to it getting released at some point on DVD so I can see it again.

"The Darjeeling Limited" - I managed to stay away from "The Darjeeling Limited" for as long as possible, after being let down in a big way by "The Life Aquatic." I'd assumed Wes Anderson had simply come down a case of terminal quirkiness. And after all that, when my netflix queue had been all but exhausted, I was pleasantly surprised when I strapped myself down and watched the film. You know what? It touched me in a way that I had forgotten that Wes Anderson's films were capable of doing. Well played, Mr. Anderson.

Book - 

The Death of the Grown-Up By Diana West

This was at once the most eye-opening and aggravating read of the year. People today seem to simply refuse to behave like adults, and West hits the nail on the head pegging this generation for it's many immature faults, some of which even I'm guilty of. But this is a must read for anyone who hates seeing adults wearing pajamas out in public, or donning Mohawks at the age of 35, as much as I do. And just for the record, I even hate mohawks on children, as well. You now what-- let's just say that Mohawks should only ever be found on Native Americans, and be done with it.

Music -

1.) Ben Folds "Way to Normal"

Folds has yet to let me down. His lyrics, his music-- everything he does just blows my mind. Get into him, if you aren't already. You won't regret it. And if you do get this album, make sure to also seek out the "leaked" version, with the alternate versions of the songs. The alternate of "The Bitch Went Nuts" is one of his greatest songs ever.

2.) Does it offend you, Yeah? "You Have No Idea What You're Getting Into"

These guys are amazing, especially live. Electronic/brit-pop/funk... they are so many things, I don't even know how to describe them. They are terrific, and they have been part of my regular iPod loop for several months now.

Comic Book -

Mouse Guard by David Petersen

I'm not a comics aficionado-- not by a long shot. But I have been getting more into so-called graphic novels, and I absolutely loved Mouse Guard. I seem to really enjoy comics in which animals are given human traits (I'm also really keen on reading Maus and Pride of Baghdad.) But what can I say-- with this one, the cover blurb says it all, "it's Lord of the Rings meets Stuart Little." How cool is that? I really hope this is made into a movie. Soon.

Website -

1.) http://www.filmjunk.com/ This is probably my most frequently visited site, and by far the most entertaining film related podcast going. In fact, if I could only choose one podcast to listen to, this would be it. Good hosts, funny banter and always well-considered reviews. It's like Filmspotting, minus the film snobbery. That's not to say there isn't snobbery, just of a different sort... Anyhow, give it a listen, you'll enjoy it for sure.

2.) http://www.icanhascheezburger.com/ - I can hear the collective sighs as I type this, but I don't know what else to say-- this site always made me chuckle, and sometimes even crack up. You may have to be a cat person to truly enjoy it, but it's one of my favorite time waster on the internet. And if you have never heard of it, give it a look.

Video Game -

1.) "Portal"

It's such a simple, yet engrossing game. I wish it was 100 levels, or 1000 for that matter-- I simply could not stop playing it. And the creepiness factor was very high with this one. I can't explain exactly why, but this game creeped me out-- I think it's because I didn't quite understand the storyline-- but I do believe that was by design. If you haven't played it, you really need to check this one out. It's not your run-of-the-mill video game-- it's really a transcendent video game experience. Or, at least it was for me.

2.) "Fable 2" - It was good, certainly not great, but good. I suppose it's hard to live up to 4 years of hype, but it really fell well short of a masterpiece. That's not to say it sucked-- after all, I played it pretty much straight on through for a few weeks, so it definitely deserves a mention here. It's a solid fantasy game, which you'll beat pretty quickly and probably not play again.

Internet Discovery-

1.)Blogging - What a feeling, to write regularly and see your readership slowly grow. I love my blog, and it keeps me in the writing habit, even when I really don't feel like it. And even when I have a deadline that I'm ignoring-- like right now.

2.) Senuti- It's a Mac app (and iTunes spelled backwards...) that lets you take music off of other people's iPods and put it on yours with no hassle. It's awesome.

3.) BitTorrent - Or, as I call it, the program that saved me hundreds upon hundreds of dollars this year on music, software and anything else that can be downloaded. Sure, it's like stealing, but you can do it from your couch, so it can't be wrong, right?

Gadget -

1.) Blackberry Storm--

The much maligned touchscreen Blackberry is not nearly as bad as some people (i.e. iPhone fanboys) would have you believe. Is it as good with games and some apps as the iPhone? No. But it's a solid phone and the suretype screen is my favorite part of it. It's my connection to everyone and everything I need throughout the day, and I love it.

2.)My MacBook-- 

My first foray into the world of Mac has been absolutely wonderful. Everything works so effortlessly... and it doesn't crash! What a novel idea! To be fair, my first computer ever was a mac, but that was a Performa 450 back in the days of 2400 baud modems. This thing is sleek, sexy and... aluminum. Yeah, it's supposed to be the "greenest" Macbook ever. If by green, they mean expensive, they are correct. But it was worth it. This thing has quickly become my favorite ( I don't consider my wife and cat as belongings, so...), and I can already see I am slowly becoming a lifelong Mac user. I'll be selling my sperm and blood plasma to buy my next one, but who cares! Also, y'know, being a screenwriter and all, I had to kinda look the part... fake it til you make it, right?

Random celebrity happening -

1.) The Death of the Unbiased Media. Enough said.

2.) Celebrity "Pseudo-Retirement" 

The fad of Actors and Actresses threatening(?) to retire from acting is just ludicrous. I'm looking at you, Joaquin Phoenix, Emma Watson, Keira Knightley. Go ahead and do it. No skin off our collective asses. Why would you retire? You're a celebrity-- the most helpless, skill-lacking breed of human going. You will retire and do what, exactly? Plan your comeback? Please. You know you are of the luckiest .01% of the human race, and you know damn well that the only thing that will stop you from acting is if you overdose on drugs or crash your sports car.

What's that? Bitter? Me? No, I'm not bitter-- why do you ask?

Conclusion

So, there you have it. This is by no means a comprehensive list, but it will certainly suffice, considering it's New Year's Eve. Also-- the movies that I listed were not my top three overall, but simply three that I thought should be mentioned. I'll probably compile a list of the best films near Oscar time. Until then, I wish all of you a Happy New Year, and a hope that you'll pass on the news about my trusty little blog. Be safe. -- Jon

News from the Monster-Mania Magazine front...

Some of you may remember that I had an article published in the premiere issue of Monster-Mania Magazine. And to some extent, I feel like I'm beating a dead horse here, because it came out over a year ago, but there is some fresh news...

Monster-Mania has now secured distribution through most major book stores. That means, within a month or two, you should be able to get yourself a copy of the mag, complete with the article written by yours truly, nationwide. That, in and of itself, is very cool. But, I have even more great news.

I've been commissioned to write two more articles for the Magazine-- one for each of the next two issues.  First up will be an article tracing the history of the "Friday the 13th" films, from the first time that we saw Crystal Lake, all the way up to the new, Michael Bay produced remake. (Which isn't really a remake, bcause we all know Jason wasn't even in the first film, but I digress.) That will appear in the March issue. Later, in June, I'll give the "Nightmare on Elm Street" series the same treatment. I just hope more info is available about the new "Nightmare" film by then.

So, keep an eye out-- the magazine should be on store shelves relatively soon. And, of course, you can always order it online here.